Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
high people should be assigned attendants
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
