If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
