My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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