She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
