Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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