thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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