Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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