OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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