Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
