All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
