Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
