Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
