Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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