an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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