i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
