Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
