i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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