i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
