it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
