I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
