We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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