Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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