her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
