There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
