There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
