Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
