it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
