I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Girls should come with a carfax report
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
