she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
