and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
