closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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