I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
