I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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