I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
