My friends, they love my intelligence
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
