I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
