i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
