And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
