please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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