He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
