Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
