First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
