I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i've created a new STD.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
