Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
