She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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