I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
