how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
