I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No subtext here. People are naked.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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