were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she peed on how many people?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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