she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
