I think I died a long time ago.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
