saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
