guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
