maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my phone needs a breathalizer
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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