Small penises have feelings too.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
