In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
