actually, I'm a sock model
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
